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Things to Not Say to Your Aging Parents

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The relationship dynamics with our parents often evolve as they grow older. Communication becomes an essential bridge that can either strengthen or strain these bonds. The words we choose can profoundly impact how our aging parents feel, shaping their sense of independence, worth, and belonging.

Some things to not say to your aging parents include phrases like:

  • You already told me that.
  • You shouldn’t be doing that at your age.
  • It’s not a big deal.
  • I don’t have time for this right now.
  • You’re too old to understand.

It’s crucial to approach each conversation with your aging parents with empathy and understanding, ensuring our words uplift rather than undermine. For example, it may be necessary to let our parents know they shouldn’t be doing something anymore. But rather than simply telling them they’re too old, there are more empathetic ways to approach that conversation.

These lessons we take in communication with our aging parents can help translate into a smoother process for a transition into senior living. There is already a level of trust and communication between you and your parents to make potentially difficult conversations easier.

Common Phrases to Avoid

Although the following phrases can be said without bad intentions, they can unintentionally hurt or dismiss our aging parents.

You Already Told Me That

Telling your aging parent they’ve already told you something can make them feel dismissed or ashamed of their memory lapses. Try to engage with the story again, showing that you value their words. For example, you could try focusing on something different in the same story.

You Shouldn’t Be Doing That at Your Age

Although there may come a point where your senior parent shouldn’t be doing certain things anymore for safety reasons, such statements can undermine their sense of independence. Instead, you could offer help or suggest safer alternatives without emphasizing their age as a reason.

It’s Not a Big Deal

Dismissing an individual’s concerns can make them feel invalidated or unheard. Validate your senior parent’s feelings and offer support, even if the issue seems minor.

I Don’t Have Time for This Right Now

Telling your parent you don’t have time for them can make them feel like a burden. It may be a reality that you simply don’t have time. Try scheduling a time to have a proper conversation later. This helps ensure your parent knows they’re important to you.

Senior woman looking frustrated as she tries to figure out something on her phone.

You’re Too Old to Understand

Telling someone they’re too old to understand something is patronizing and dismissive. Your parent will likely take more time to learn things as they age. So, take the time to explain things patiently and respect their ability to learn new things and understand them.

Alternative Ways to Communicate

Here are practical suggestions for more empathetic and supportive language to use in your conversations with your aging parents:

Tell Me About That Again

Show genuine interest and patience when hearing things from your older parent. This can help reinforce that their stories and experiences are valuable.

How Can I Help with That?

It’s important to help if your parent wants to do something possibly beyond their abilities. But by offering assistance while supporting their independence, you’re helping them maintain their independent lifestyle.

I Understand Why You’re Upset

Dementia is an age-related condition that can often have aggression as a symptom. By acknowledging your senior parent’s feelings and offering a listening ear, you can validate their emotions and concerns. This can diffuse a situation before it escalates.

Let’s Talk About This When I Can Give You My Full Attention

You don’t always need to drop what you’re doing to have a conversation. Sometimes that’s just not possible. So scheduling a future time for a chat helps balance your time constraints with your parent’s need for attention and makes them feel respected and valued.

The Significance of Positive Communication

Positive communication can significantly enhance your relationship with your aging parents. Words of affirmation and encouragement can:

  • Boost their self-esteem: Regularly acknowledging their strengths and contributions can reinforce their sense of worth.
  • Promote independence: Encouraging them to participate in activities they enjoy can foster a sense of autonomy.
  • Strengthen bonds: Open, respectful dialogue can deepen your connection and mutual understanding.

Focus on Positive Communication

Reflecting on our communication habits can lead to more meaningful and supportive interactions with our aging parents. Choosing words that validate and uplift shows our love and respect and fosters a deeper connection. 

Take a moment to consider how you speak with your parents. Small changes in your approach can make a significant difference in their lives. Embrace the opportunity to communicate with empathy, and you’ll find that your relationship grows deeper with mutual understanding and respect.We believe in providing a professional and caring experience for our residents at The Enclave of East Louisville. Call us today to set up a community tour.

Written by
Christina Dolan

More Articles By
Christina Dolan
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